Life doesn’t add up but opens. How can it be that I’ve lived in this world for more than fifty eight years and I’m just learning what it means to be open to life. Living a life of openness and being rather than one limited by doing. Living a life always searching and acquiring rather than in the simplicity of enough.
During my walk in the world, I can always be kind. Kindness is my truest nature. I have a heavy heart at times seeing our world so far from this, lacking in toleration and kindness. I believe this is the result of us being unkind to ourselves. I’m learning that if I am not kind to myself, I don’t have the bandwidth to be kind to others. I’ve lived in the illusion that I could do this for much of my life. But as I’m walking in the clumsiness of vulnerable living, I’m seeing how I have discounted, invalidated, and sacrificed myself (not in a healthy way) as a means of survival. I see how these skills have made me a success in the world all the while losing my authentic self. As I become immersed in being kind to myself, honoring the gift of my body, paying attention to what I need in the moment and feeding my soul, I learn devotion, love and kindness.
Meaning, truth, and kindness are my constant teachers. They help me live through fear, pain, and disappointment. They are flames that light my heart. But flames burn as well as give off light.
How devoted are you to finding meaning and God’s goodness in your life? As Mark Nepo says in the Book of Soul, “It takes effort to stay immersed until wonder reveals itself, and devotion to stay immersed until wonder becomes a way of life.” The word “devote” comes from the Latin meaning “to uphold a vow.” My life has been ever transforming since I became immersed and devoted to God’s goodness.
I’m learning about the spiritual quality of immersion. It takes effort to stay immersed until wonder reveals itself. I must constantly turn my heart to the good and stay the course in fortitude until my seeing becomes believing becomes seeing. The word immersed comes from the Latin meaning “dip in.” It means giving myself completely to an endeavor until it reveals its meaning.
As a recovering perfectionist, it’s comforting to rest in the fact that everything I need to know, hear and do of any importance in my spiritual life will be revealed to me. I can trust in God’s mysterious ways.
So much of the path to spiritual growth is in awareness. Once we can start surrendering to a power greater than ourselves, we can start seeing through a lens greater than our myopic and limited viewpoint. We can start accepting our wholeness and holiness rather than living in the struggle of brokenness and misalignment from our purpose.
How often do you think about your breath? It’s something I take for granted yet as I contemplate my breath, the simplicity and power are overwhelming. After watching “Breathe” on UTube by Rob Bell, I’ve been connecting with the goodness of my breath.
Are you living a life of scarcity or abundance? Too often we settle for small, safe places rather than step out into the potential of the greatness we were called to be. We play it safe, clinging to our job, our bank account or our status as mom or wife to define our identity. This is surviving.